The family hero and scapegoat role is usually attracted to a dependent personality, such as a Lost Child or Mascot role. This also occurs in homes where there has been abuse. Often the daughter of a father who was abusive to the mother will end up in a relationship with a man who is abusive, even if there was no indication of him being abusive when they meet. Similarly, the daughter of an alcoholic often ends up married to an alcoholic. All of these examples illustrate the power of the unconscious on attraction. The power of early experiences and the formation of memory cannot be underestimated. In an excellent book entitled “A General Theory of Love” Lewis, Amini, and Lannon (2000) discuss the how early experiences and the formation of memory affects attraction. Until these issues or complexes are sufficiently resolved, individuals run the risk of falling victim to them and ending up in bad relationships.
Buy a book or booklet on marriage, sex and sexual technique on occasion. One way to show your husband you are focusing on the one thing that looms largest in his mind regarding marriage is to buy books on sex occasionally. Don’t let him be the one to always buy such things. Don’t be afraid to buy a sexual technique book that is not explicitly Christian as long as it encourages faithful, monogamous sex. If you feel your husband is not understanding your relationship/communication needs, buy one that deals with that and read it in his presence and ask him to check it out. If you start reading a book entitled, “How to drive your man crazy in bed” in his presence, as assuredly as the sun will rise tomorrow and it’s true that God so the loved the world that He sent Jesus, he will have your full attention at that moment. And if you tell him if he’s a good boy you’ll try a few of the suggestions, you could probably get him to eat out of your hand and wait on you hand and foot! Th! is is also true of lingerie. Don’t be afraid to ask him what kind of lingerie he’d like you to buy.
He is now in a another shaky relationship. He had been smitten with the woman’s youth and beauty. Unconsciously, he thought a relationship with her would allow him to stand-out in his social environment. Men would envy him and he would consider himself a cut-above. Again, his goal was to fortify his shaky sense of himself.