Another consideration regarding relationships is the impact of socialization on what we find attractive. Statistically, most people marry within their own race, religion, socioeconomic status, and culture. This is evidence of the impact socialization has on attraction. In itself this is not an issue. But is also lends credence to the importance of unconscious influence on attraction.
11. Make your marriage truly your number one priority, apart from your relationship to God. Christian couples often get lazy about developing their marriage relationship. Over time, other pursuits become more important, even godly ones. The truth is that if you put a disproportionate amount time into anything—including evangelism and missions or other ministry activity—over the time you put into your marriage, it is out of God’s will. Therefore you must be proactive in working at your marriage and sex life. Don’t say to yourself, “the man is the spiritual head, he should lead in this.” If he’s not leading, you take the lead. If he is leading, don’t wait for him to bring up an issue, do it yourself. Each person is responsible for loving their spouse and building their marriage regardless how active the other person is. For women this means preparing yourself mentally and physically for regular sexual union. “I’m too busy and always tired”, you say. That’s no excuse. Carve out t! ime to get ready for romance, to spend time together, to do mutually enjoyable activities together, and have sexual union. Drop activities and responsibilities, even spiritual ones, if necessary. For sex, this means allowing for three types of sex. (1) The long, luxurious sexual adventures (if you have children, nights at a hotel or weekends away), (2) The normal 20 –30 minute encounter, and (3) what some call “quickies.” Because men normally want more frequent sex than women, you must find a happy medium and be willing to minister to your husband through occaisional quick sex at times when things are too busy to get prepared and take the time, but he’s hungry nevertheless! Allowing for this will do wonders to encourage a man that his wife truly loves him enough to give him a few moments of passion even if she probably won’t be tuned in to having an orgasm herself.