Family dynamics in early childhood also affect what we look for or are attracted to in a mate. One example of this is evident in the dynamics of the alcoholic home. Without spending an inordinate amount of time on typical family roles in an addicted family, there are generally four besides the addict and the codependent.
Come to terms with questionable sexual practices. Where in scripture does it condemn oral sex? The answer is nowhere. Don’t take this writers word for it. The Christian books, Intimate Issues, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, and The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner, have good studies on this. The truth is oral sex is an incredibly exciting and wonderful sexual practice that most married couples enjoy including Christians. If you have an aversion to it, fine. Neither be hard on yourself nor look down on others who don’t. But don’t be passive about this either. Be proactive in learning about it and pray for God to change whatever is necessary in your mind (If your husband has an aversion to giving you oral sex, he should do the same thing). If you can develop the practice of giving your husband regular doses of skillful oral sex, he will be thrilled to the core. If you can train him to give you slow and deliberate oral sex when you are in the mood, you will be th! rilled to the core. In this writers’ opinion, only if both agree that they don’t want to pursue oral sex should it be shelved altogether, for in Philippians scripture says, “…don’t look only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Other questionable areas like certain positions, fulfilling sexual fantasies, and anal stimulation should be approached this same way.
He had met a girl whom he described as “perfect” — a “10″ – the ONE for me. They became engaged but he quickly lost interest in having sex with her. He described sex with a real, loving, available woman as “boring.” While still engaged, he started seeing prostitutes for oral sex in the car and once again started using phone sex to compulsively masturbate. The reality of having to tend to someone else’s sexual needs couldn’t live up to his self-centered, deviant sex.